Art, fashion, design.

With a reputation of flashy fashion, high society, and elitist attitudes, you'd think the Milanese would have sexier places to relieve themselves. Nope. They use the same dirty stink pots that commoners do.


Maybe this one has Carrara marble on the inside.

Gladiator.

Picture this: You're about to march through the amphitheater's stone arches to face 30,000 screaming, blood-lusting brutes. Spittle and curses fly from toothless jaws while the dirt floor already clumped into obscure pellets stained dusty burgundy.

Nervous? Need fast relief?

Asking yourself, "While in the bowels of the arena before a brutal contest, where did the Romans crap?"

Answer:

Disclaimer: This amphitheater was actually used for opera.

Seatless.

Sometimes they just don't come with seats.

But it's especially satisfying when someone has the kind heart to break off the seat.

Oh well. A gratis toilet is always welcome in Venice.

Point of view.

The best seat at sea is often in the pisser.

Twist and shout.

Please grip plastic tab firmly between your index finger and thumb. Turn gently clockwise. Flush.

Under construction?

To the unadvanced eye, this may seem like the urinals have been ripped out. But to the extremely advance eye, now you just go where they used to be. I mean, they still got that drain on the floor, right? Either way, you don't gotta flush here. Things'll take care of 'emselves... I'm sure of it.

Park pot.

Usually like any other public pot. Just in the park. And in it's own personal, smelly, dirty, graffiti-covered room. Sometimes you pay a cover charge to get into these digs. Nice.

Double-tank.

Two is always better than one, right? Maybe the top one was there first and they just added a new toilet bowl below. Or maybe the bottom one stopped working so they just added a new one up top.

Stop asking so many questions. At least it worked.

Double-button.

Ah, the infamous double-button flush mechanism. It has intrigued and captivated. Even baffled and fooled scholars. For years.

Shrouded in mystery, rumors fly about this little device. Does the big button create a bigger flush? Or is this some kinda optical illusion where the little guy unleashes a fury of roaring, rushing aqua washing your business below?

After tedious testing, they both expel about the same damn amount of water. But that doesn't mean that they can't change their minds. Next time, our results might shock and surprise you. Unpredictable. Simply unpredictable. There are no sure bets here.

But we have found miniscule insight into the nature of this beast from a distant relative, believed to be of the same genus. The equal-sized button double-button flushing machine. And if you look real close, the button on the left has a larger drop of water than the button on the right. But we've yet to determine if these rules hold true for the non-equal-sized double-button flush mechanism, or if it even means anything here. In these early stages, all signs point to ancient plastic etchings being meaningless.

Seriously. No one's figured this one out yet.

Stomp flush.

I'm a big fan of this one. It's different and interesting. Plus it involves touching nothing that you wouldn't already touch. Stomps away.

Train toilet.

Supposedly you push this button on the opposite wall. Assuming that there will be some water to rinse out the bowl. In reality, it all just leaks out onto the tracks. You don't need to see the rest to know it's not all that tip-top.

Using public facilities.

Watch out for broken off toilet seats... or possibly there was never one there at all. Found commonly in public restrooms.

But it's not so different from the average American interstate rest stop.

One difference, I don't think I've seen toilet seat covers in Europe. Maybe it's just an American phenomenon and/or phobia. Bring yo' own stack if you gotta stay sanitary while here.

Also commonly included: insightful graffiti, witty poetry, simple vulgarity, or phone numbers. In this case, a simple how-to for uninformed users or newbies.

It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie.

Here we have an example of the smaller water tank commonly found around here, on toilets that have tanks behind the seat that is.

Also, instead of a flusher handle like on most American toilets we have a large, plastic button on the top.

Also, garbage cans next to the toilet are common so you don't flush everything. I'll spare you the details.

How do you pronounce that?

Ask the French. Anyways, it's commonly found in most homes either next to or opposite the toilet.

What do you use it for, you ask? Cleanin' shit. Literally. I can't explain this one to you. You gotta figure it out for yourself.

Just make sure you read the instructions first before peeing in it or attempting to drink from it.

Clean hands.

Let's talk about how to use the sink for a minute. Sometimes it's just like every other day.

But sometimes there's a foot pedal protruding below the piping that you need to step on like an accelerator in a car. Don't stomp or it my spray everywhere. Just shift into first and easy down on the pedal.

Sometimes there's a rubber-looking button on the floor that you need to stand on. You can usually stomp here.

Either way there's probably no hot or cold control. That'd involved two pedals and more shifting. Instead, we just get cold.

Pop a squat.

All the toilets at my school are like this. Just a hole in the ground with some nifty foot grips... so you don't slip, we hope.

Not even the teachers' lavatories are spared any luxury. Each is contained within its own glorious stall with a wall light. One another note, frequently the bathroom light switch is located on the outside of the bathroom. No exception here. And often, they don't work at my school.

Nothing like going in a hole in the dark. At least it flushes powerfully, but still it's only a small step above a porta-potty because odors tend to linger in here.

Can you imagine always having to squat? But apparently this is the way it was meant to be.

If this really interests you, please, I beg you, click on the picture to read more about it.

Poor man's pot.

A tried but true classic. The brick wall behind the parked car.

During nights of drinking in Parma, this is bound to happen. No lines. No piss covered floor.

No flush necessary.

Getting complicated.

This is in a pizzeria in the hills above Lago di Garda. Often instead of stalls each toilet is located within its own little room, which sometimes includes its own sink.

Flushing the toilet on the right is not so different from mine at home. Okay. But the urinal on the left. That's a different story.


The flusher is actually that little knob on the wall located between the two urinals. One of the stranger methods I've found. It functions like a faucet. You turn it on, let the water run for a moment, and then you gotta turn it off otherwise it will just continue to run.

Now wash your hands and get back to dinner before someone catches you taking pictures in the restaurant bathroom, you creep.

The basics.

We'll start with Italia since that is where I am currently living, but as I travel throughout the summer this documentation will expand.

Here is the toilet in my bathroom. Pretty standard, pretty straightforward. But unlike most American toilets, there is no tank directly behind the seat. Often they are located in the wall, at about eye level (with or without the flusher), or even sometimes way above your head. And the ones located behind the seat are usually much thinner than the standard American tank.

So how do you stop it when the water keeps running? Can't jiggle the handle here.

I dunno, it's never happened. But my toilet sure flushes a lot more powerfully than any in America. It's like one of those super-industrial strength flushes often found in public restrooms. Also the bowl never fills with water, which is why all European toilets, public or private, always have a brush by their side.

With this one you just push the button and wheeee!!!! Off we go.